Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. (Luke 9:23)
When I think of a “cross” we are called to carry in this life, I often think of the heaviest ones: loss, tragedy, sickness, and suffering. I’ve known adults and children taken too soon by terminal illness, horrible accidents with years-long healings, struggles with fertility or early pregnancy losses, financial stresses, and other countless stories that break my heart. My life, by comparison, feels pretty light, and I’m often overwhelmed with guilt that my struggles are a lot less complicated. And then I worry: Are my crosses not heavy enough for a robust spiritual life? And am I even taking up the crosses I am being asked to carry?
My days as a homeschooling mom are filled with many minor annoyances—domestic to-do’s, dishes piled in the sink, children who aren’t listening, messes I clean over and over again, shoes tossed in every corner of the house, etc. I am overcome not usually by sadness, but more often by impatience and frustration. I just want to finish our schoolwork efficiently and keep up with the ritual housekeeping tasks on my list, and I’d like my kids to participate appropriately and play quietly otherwise. When my plans for my day are derailed by tantrums, runny noses, sibling fights, or general obstinance, I find my circuits sparking and my anger starting to bubble over.
But really, my days are mostly joyful, and my crosses are mostly just inconveniences. Why should I be bereft of the pain so many in the world know? And what do I do with the seemingly “easy” life I have been handed today?
I sit with these questions often because a piece of me fears that God is just biding His time before He calls me to something bigger. I wonder when the other shoe will drop, and I will feel like I am drowning in sorrow like so many I know. While I know that, in the cycle of life, more painful days likely lie ahead, I know God doesn’t call us all to the same kind of suffering. But I also wonder how He is calling me in this present moment to be a better cross-carrying Christian.
Here are some conclusions I have felt God speaking to me recently.
First, I know that God is asking me to look at these “minor inconveniences” as more than the challenges of motherhood but as crosses to be borne. How do I bear the day-to-day frustrations I experience? Do I respond to my family with kindness and charity? Do I complain about my irritations to others? Do I offer gentleness and kindness when I am faced with stubbornness and rudeness? St. John of the Cross once said, “Whenever anything disagreeable or displeasing happens to you, remember Christ crucified and be silent.” While sharing with those close to us can be a spiritually and emotionally sound practice, so often I can’t keep my sarcasm, anger, impatience, or complaints to myself.
Second, I need to be more intentional in offering up even these minor sufferings for others. I have been trying to specifically name an intention when I find myself swallowing that biting comment or breathing through the built-up anger in the hopes that I am bearing my crosses, no matter how small, for the Kingdom.
Third, I feel like the Lord is calling me to be generous with my time and talents in a season that is unencumbered by my own suffering. While we are not asked to create needless suffering for ourselves, we can often give more freely when times are easier. I am often reminded, “Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required” (Luke 12:48), not just in the spiritual life, but in the physical one, as well. I love cooking, baking, and hospitality in general; as much as I can, I’ve been encouraging myself to sign up for Meal Trains or invite others into our home, knowing that there will be seasons in which I cannot be as generous. Can I allow God to open my eyes to the ways I can take on burden to alleviate others’ suffering?
Finally, I often worry that surrendering my life to Jesus will mean that I am saying “yes” to intense suffering. The lives of the Saints often paint pictures of heroic martyrdom and profound trust in the midst of painful trials. If I want to be a Saint, is that the path that I will inevitably take? Of course, God might call any of us to more than we think we can bear, but He also challenges us to live heroic virtue in the present moment. Do I have to be a champion for the faith to the point of death like St. Oscar Romero or St. Maximillian Kolbe? Maybe I’ll be called to that. But more likely, my path to sainthood will be (hopefully) thousands of little “yes”es to charity in my domestic sphere and my immediate community. So can I say yes to being an affectionate and joyful wife? a gentle and tender mother? a prayerful and present member of the Church? a generous and selfless friend and neighbor?
God does not want us to compare crosses because He gives grace to carry them only in the present moment. I know only the crosses in front of me, and what He is asking of me now may not be what He calls me to later. Regardless of whether we are carrying the lightest or heaviest burdens, we can ask ourselves, “Am I carrying them well?”
