I’m not perfect. 🙂
A part of me wanted to lead and leave with that statement, but I’ll clarify. These past few days have been difficult. God continues to refine me, and it HURTS. I’m resisting. I’m whining. I’m spoiled and selfish, wanting to hold on to the dead layers that weigh me down, but I hold tight because the weight is like a security blanket.
All week I’ve had this desire to just crawl up in bed and cry. The old lies were rushing back – “You’re not worthy.” “You will never be good enough.” “You are too loud.” “You say all the wrong things.” “You’ll always be insignificant.”
Thankfully the Holy Spirit reminds me of the FREEDOM and JOY and BEAUTY I will feel when I choose to allow the old self to be shed. To dispel those lies in Jesus’ name and receive His truth.
These moments that creep upon me remind me of a time about 18 years ago when I felt the call to leave youth ministry and begin Hopeful Hearts Ministry. On my last day as youth minister one of my beloved youths was killed in a car accident. Needless to say, my last day went on for another two weeks as I gathered the community to mourn the loss of this beautiful soul. My soul was exhausted and in desperate need of mourning but so many young people needed comfort and to be reminded of the hope that comes from the Lord, even in the loss.
One of my youth, Emily Lacour, only 17 at the time, was gifted in the arts, and now is known worldwide for her craft. I had previously explained to her a prayerful moment that I had on the couch. It was almost an out of body experience, being wrapped up in the Father’s hands, surrounded by angels and simply feeling supported and loved. She took my explanation and painted it. Beautiful. The angel on the right looks like Kate, the young woman who had passed.
Wrapped in my Father’s hands I finally cried, and I knew the next day would be a new day. It was my HOPE. God delivered His promise to me all day long, and He continues to remind me.
“Be STILL and Know that I am God” Psalm 46:10
“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Matthew 6:34
“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Psalm 55:22
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
I could go on and on because these reminders pop up every time I open a devotional, an email or look at social media when I find myself in this place of despair.
God is that good.
My failure to ‘show up’ for Him led to Him showing up for me and reminding me how real He is. He is ever present, ever reliable and ever merciful. He reminds me, even in my lowest, that my HOPE is in HIM.
MY HOPE IS IN YOU by Aaron Shust (YouTube video w/lyrics)
“My Hope Is In You”
I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
“Holy! Hallelujah, Father, You’re near!”
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long, I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You, Lord
I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries “Glory
Hallelujah, Father, You’re here!”
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You, Lord
I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge
My hope is in You, Lord, all the day long
I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long I won’t be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing my hope is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord, yeah
My hope is in You, Lord
Blessings, Shannon
