During school one morning, I was teaching my oldest daughter the basics of multiplication. A challenging concept, it was completely frustrating her, and through her tears, she ended the lesson with “I just can’t do it!”
Tunnel vision struck as I was transported to countless moments of my own childhood in which my perfectionism got the better of me. My poor parents watched me dissolve as I practiced a particularly challenging piece on the piano or couldn’t come up with an idea for a school project. Now in my thirties, I have had to apologize to my own mom on many occasions when my children have done something that reminds me exactly of a young me—rejecting perfectly acceptable dinners, screaming when a sock doesn’t fit exactly right, or refusing to wear the outfit specifically bought for Christmas Mass. What goes around comes around, I guess.
Today, we celebrate the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of Mary. Though this dogma was officially established by Pope Pius IX in 1854, the history of celebrating Mary’s conception and birth existed as early as the 7th century. The idea that Mary could be preserved from original sin and, through God’s grace, remain pure through the rest of her life can certainly be hard for me to wrap my limited and very human mind around; however, belief in this dogma also affirms God’s timeless omnipotence and His attention to detail in His plan for salvation. A pure vessel for our Savior was appropriate and fitting. She is the Holy of Holies where God Himself resides. She was set apart as a perfect model of love, humility, and docility to God’s plan. From the cross, Jesus gifted us this mother, a human who can stand in when our earthly parents fall short, and she teaches us, her earthly children, how to live a holy life in perfect love of her Son.
The Immaculate Conception, then, is proof that God uniquely prepares us to be the mothers that our children need us to be. God did not have to spare Our Lady from Original Sin, but in doing so, He graced her to be both a perfect mother to us on earth and to Him Divine. The rest of us mothers, too, are given exactly the gifts, skills, and experiences that we need to mother our own children. Perhaps we have experienced the challenges of anxiety or loss that equip us to empathize with our own children who may similarly struggle. Maybe our family of origin has created wounds, despite its best efforts, that we can sense need changing for our own children. With my perfectionist daughter, I can reflect on my past experiences, and how I may have been able to coach myself through self-doubt and a fixed mindset. Where I have experienced both vice and virtue, as well as joys and challenges, are places I am able to relate to my kids on a deeply personal level, ways that I am equipped to love and nurture my particular children in a way no one else can.
On a broader level, the Immaculate Conception shows us that, even outside of motherhood, we are set apart from the moment of our conception for a unique path on this side of eternity. We have been given gifts, talents, and experiences we are called to use—and people who are placed in our lives whom we must minister to—that will bring us along a path of, hopefully, holiness and bring about good in the world. While we can complain about our lot in life or the struggles we have to face, God has given us our particular life to use for good. Just like Mary was given certain joys and graces, as well as hardships, we too have to cooperate with God’s plan and use what He has given us for His glory.
Today, if we struggle with the dogma of the Immaculate Conception, perhaps it is worth reading more about it and seeking to understand it. But also, as mothers, today is a great day to reflect on our past experiences and our gifts. How can we notice and love the beautifully unique children we have been given? How can we see their individuality and use our particular strengths to help our children grow in holiness and know the Lord? How has God laid the foundation for us to be able to care for our kids? God’s plans are no accident, and He has given us all we need, even if it doesn’t always feel that way, to nurture the little lives we have been given. And when we feel like we are still falling short, we can always call on the Blessed Mother to be a mom to our kids, too.
