During a recent small group meeting, my friend sheepishly admitted to buying a new swimsuit. “My first in five years!” she justified, then sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe I should return it. It feels dumb to care so much about how I look.”
Like her, I frequently vacillate between “I’m going to put my best foot forward and spend time on myself!” and “It doesn’t matter how I look.” While a piece of me desires to look and feel beautiful, I don’t want to become vain or spend my time, money, and energy on unimportant things. But the line between beauty and vanity is pretty blurry. Is wearing makeup inherently evil? When does buying new clothes cross into greed?
Before I begin, I should clarify that women differ in their optimal vs. bare minimum beauty standards. Some women don’t care about makeup but exercise frequently; others feel their best when they feel fashionable but don’t care about styled hair or manicured nails. Many women have multiple facets of external beauty that they value. Second, this article is a call to examine ourselves and our hearts, not to assess others’ beauty routines. Some women use their creativity with hair or makeup as a source of income; others may need a strict diet or exercise routine for physical or mental health reasons. Where some women appear to “care too much,” they may actually be very detached while others may appear “natural” while struggling with vanity. All we can assess is our own hearts, not worry how our actions may appear to others, and strive to grow closer to God. Ultimately, prayer and discernment of our own motives, circumstances, and virtues will have to guide us. I’m no moral theologian, so I am just going to offer insights based on my prayer and reflection.
I have generally found that an over-focus on my appearance yields an imbalance. God has generally pulled me further from an excessive preoccupation with beauty pursuits because my priorities have been incorrectly ordered in the past. We are called to ensure that our time and energy is being first utilized for meeting our spiritual needs; then our physical, mental, and emotional needs, as well as our vocational responsibilities. Then, we are free to pursue the “extras.” For example, if I am willing to wake up an hour earlier to work out but am not putting in adequate prayer time, I may need to reassess my priorities. Similarly, if I am spending extra time on an intricate beauty routine but can’t find the time to care for my kids or my health, I should reflect on my schedule and see where I can make changes to prioritize my spiritual growth and balance my and my family’s needs.
I have also found that God is calling me to find my worth in His love, regardless of external conditions. Currently, pregnancy is a challenging time for my self-image as I watch my body change sizes and my ability to stay active shifts; however, God continually nudges me to see myself through His eyes. The personality He has given me; my efforts to know, love, and serve Him and my family; and the gifts He has called me to use are more important than the way I look in the mirror. When I find myself self-conscious about my untamed curly hair or a makeup-free face, God calls me to speak truth to myself and to work to see and love myself as He does.
After all, beauty is much more than one’s physical appearance. Created in God’s image and likeness, the human person as a whole radiates the beauty of God—all of His goodness, His creativity, His love. Thus, beautiful things—from a gorgeous landscape to a gorgeous person—should turn us even more toward the God who created them. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says this clearly: “The beauty of creation reflects the infinite beauty of the Creator and ought to inspire the respect and submission of man’s intellect and will” (CCC 314). So we are called to pursue beauty—both internally and externally. Our love of others should be the foremost way we do so, but I think a healthy, balanced pursuit of external beauty is important too, not so we can call more attention to ourselves, but so that we can bring more attention to God.
Of course, most people would not look at a well-dressed mom and say, “Wow! Thank you, God, for the beauty of motherhood!” But I would bet that a put-together mom would remind others that motherhood is (usually) a joy, not drudgery. My own children tend to notice when I am wearing something nice; even if they don’t acknowledge God directly, their “Mommy, you look pretty” may inspire them to feel a particular awe and gratitude. And I tend to find myself a much kinder and more loving wife and mom when I look and feel my best.
But here’s a caveat: Even in our pursuit of beauty, we must continually work on detaching ourselves from the world. But how can we both embrace our physical appearance and also not give in to consumerism and vanity? This is where continual discernment comes in. But maybe we find ourselves trying to make a limited number of purchases a year, shopping first at thrift stores, or paring down the amount of makeup we wear or the number of salon trips we make.
Simply put: Buying a new swimsuit is not inherently immoral. Spending time on outward appearances can bring ourselves and others closer to God as we notice and feel the beauty He created. We can challenge ourselves to prioritize correctly, love ourselves regardless of our external appearances, and practice detachment from the world. But ultimately, we can and should pursue things good, true, and beautiful so that we can draw closer to the God who made them.
