There are many instances after a break-up in which one or both sides of the now ended relationship will either think or say aloud to their consolers. “It’s like I didn’t even know them any more.” Because of changes in personality or hidden traits, the person realizes that the reason why the relationship failed is because fundamentally the two sides no longer connected at a deeper or even surface level, and there was little chance of growing in a meaningful relationship with each other. This realization sheds light on the fundamental truth of a relationship: Knowing a person is essential for loving another person.
With human beings, this can be extremely difficult. Because of our sinful nature, we tend to hurt each other either through thoughts, words, or actions. Consequently, we tend to protect ourselves from getting hurt by not being vulnerable with someone unless that person has earned our trust. Even if someone has earned our trust, it is inevitable that one day we will be hurt by that person whether it is unintentional or intentional. So for the human person who wants to be in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, it is essential that we form a good judge of character and that we are able to suffer some hurts without dismissing the relationship immediately (unless we want to live a lonely life).
A relationship with God is similar, yet different. We again are called to know God, so we can love Him, but we do not need to put up walls because He is not fallen. We do not need to fear that He will hurt us. But with God, we do put up walls all the same because it’s the only way we know how to have relationships. It is because of these walls, that it becomes harder to know God. These walls often take the form of creating our own image of God and rejecting the sources of revelation that He has chosen to communicate Himself to us (the Church, the Scriptures, and the Sacraments). Thus, the challenge of every person is to take down these walls and truly come to know and love our heavenly Father who wants nothing more than to spend eternity in love with us.
This is hard, and ultimately this will hurt. But it will not hurt in the same way that a bad breakup might hurt. We may use the analogy of working out to explain this phenomenon. When someone physically exerts themselves consistently and properly, they break down muscles in their body, only to have those muscles grow back stronger. Thus the whole body grows stronger. Yet in this process there is weakness, pain, and soreness. For any fitness buff, this pain can feel good, or be satisfying. Some even find it addicting. Yet, when we physically exert ourselves inconsistently and erratically, we can often injure ourselves by pulling muscles, tearing joints, or breaking bones. There is nothing satisfying about this pain because we have wounded the natural function of the body.
In the same way, a messy breakup becomes like a muscle tear or a broken bone. An offense against love leaves us broken and wounded. But when we tear down our walls to let God in in the way that He reveals Himself, it is more like working out our muscles – and this often can feel like an extreme workout. Knowing God (and consequently loving Him) can be tiring and pushes us to the brink. It can leave us wondering why we are doing what we are doing (not unlike some extreme workouts). Like a good father, God chastises His sons and daughters. Yet for those who persevere, the dive deeper into the mystery of knowing God can bring us into a deeper, stronger love with Him which can ultimately end up addicting and lead us to desiring more not only for ourselves but for those around us (our neighbors).
This, of course, is a mystery, and it is a journey that each person has to embark upon for themselves (with the community of the Church supporting them). But where every person must start is understanding that we probably have made false constructs of who God is. We most likely have made Him in our own image and likeness. This version of ‘God’ has probably let us down in the past and we have continued to put up walls to protect ourselves. Thus, we must find God in the places that He has truly revealed Himself and trust that He is who He says He, regardless of the pain we encounter on this journey. We are called to know God, to love God, and to serve God so that we can be with Him forever, but this can only happen if we are humble, place ourselves before Him, and allow Him to teach us about Himself. If we do, He will ultimately show us the pain of the cross. But He will also show us the glory of the resurrection and there is no greater love of knowledge than that.
