Dear Newlyweds,
Congratulations! You have spent all this time preparing for a single day – your wedding day! It IS a special day, and a day that you will remember and celebrate annually. But the reality is, it is just the beginning. Everyone in attendance at your wedding is wishing you well on this next adventure of two becoming one. While I am only 9 years into my own marriage, I hope in this letter that I am able to share some advice that I wish I knew when I was newly married.
What the world has right about marriage is that love matters most. Scripturally, love is willing the good of another. Being willing to lay one’s life down for someone else the way Christ died for us. This often comes in the form of sacrifice and is the only true way to keep a marriage together, whole, and fulfill its purpose.
My relationship with John is a consistent sacrifice. This is not to be confused with belittling ourselves, only doing what the other wants, or being taken advantage of. No, sacrificing for your spouse is dying to yourself in a way that benefits the other while not physically, emotionally, or spiritually harming you. I remember thinking to myself, okay, so I should just go to dinner at his favorite restaurant any time we go out? I should always defer to him on what to watch or what board game we are going to play? Those are all nice things to do for someone else, and some nights might feel like more of a sacrifice than others, but that is not entirely what I mean.
A very extreme example of this sacrificial love is when my Opa had suffered from a stroke and was bedridden. John and our 2 year old and 6 month old made the drive from Milwaukee to Ann Arbor to spend Thanksgiving with Opa. Beyond spending time without either of our parents/siblings (which depending on the relationship with your family may or may not be dying to self), John changed my Opa’s diaper. It was not something he wanted to do. It was not something I asked him to do. It was an act of love – willing the good of another. John did not want my Opa to sit in a diaper until a home nurse was able to come and change him. I have never felt my heart burst with love and pride quite like that day in November 2020.
A way that I die to self is supporting John in his hunting passion. John has gone on three elk hunts, all for over a week, and all three times I have been pregnant when he’s gone. I embrace the challenges that come from his time away knowing that he is filling his cup. The time with him gone makes me grateful he is home. His time away makes him miss us and ready to be back home. It’s a beautiful balance for us and our marriage.
I have died to self doing laundry, washing dishes, changing bed sheets, and the like. I have died to self with the sacrifice of my body in bearing our four beautiful children. John and I have both died to ourselves many times with all that comes with raising a family – rearranging our time and energy for the good of the others.
With this commitment to each other through healthy self-sacrifice, I know that you will love each other more every day than you did on your wedding day. The more I sacrifice for John, the more courage I have to know that we will get through the difficult times. Sacrificial love will bring you both together, especially when you don’t feel like doing it. Sacrificial love is keeping Christ at the center. And what God joins, no man can separate.
Congratulations and God bless you both!!
