Growing up I was small, and a mediocre athlete. I still loved to compete and play games, but due to my athletic disadvantage to the top tier athletes of my age, I would be a bit more tactical in my approach to competition. Thus, whenever it came time to play dodgeball in gym class, I was one of those who hovered along the back line, waiting for an opportunity to take out an unexpecting opponent, and then scurry back to safety. My strategy was more concerned about staying in the game, than getting the other team out, and while this strategy was often successful in keeping me in the game longer, I was rarely a contributing factor in a victory. I rarely hurt the team, but I also rarely helped the team. I was a lukewarm dodgeball player.
I have noticed that this mentality is one that has formed in various areas of my life. If I just don’t mess up, I will have done my job. This can be a good approach for many things in life like keeping a steady job or driving a car, but it can be detrimental to other things like art, romance, and spirituality.
As I examine my spiritual life this Advent, I realize that I have placed my surety of being a good person in not sinning. As long as I don’t break the Ten Commandments and the moral teachings of the Catholic Church, then I will have done my job. And this is true to a degree. The first words of Jesus in the gospels call us to repentance. So avoiding sin should be important to our spiritual lives. However, if our spirituality is meant to propel us into a loving relationship with God, following a bunch of ‘Do not’ rules hardly does the trick. It is certainly one of the foundations of a relationship with Him, but for true love to flourish, there needs to be vulnerable acts of ‘Do’s’ to foster the relationship. We should not only not hate our enemy, but show love to them. We should not only avoid tearing down a person, but also work to build them up. We should not only not be on our phone during mass on Sunday, but actively worship God at that mass. The list could go on and on.
But if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, it means that we will have moments of failure. If we leave the back line in dodgeball to spend most of our time in the front, we will get out more. If we try to paint a self-portrait for the first time, it will be an amateur piece of art with little value. If we give ten minutes of our day in quiet contemplation for the first time, we will be distracted or even fall asleep. We will fail, but we will also grow. As time goes on, we will be more skilled in dodging and catching at close range, or our painting will actually start to resemble us. And in the spiritual life, we will fail, but that’s when God provides us with the grace we need to grow. This is why Paul can tell us in 2 Corinthians, “ ..[The Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
The modern Catholic Church has been suffering for years because people like me have sat back on their haunches, content in thinking that trying not to sin was the way to grow in relationship with God. Yet, the key to a life in faith and love is almost the exact opposite. Rather than focus on whether or not we are sinning, we should focus on how we can show love. And sometimes that will result in spectacular failures like hurt feelings or miscommunications. But if done with a true loving spirit, God’s grace will cover for our deficiencies in abundance. This Advent, I am trying to go above and beyond to show love, and if I get hit by the dodgeball, I’ll wait until God catches the ball so I can get back in.
