There is a common movement in the world that is meant to solve a pressing need in our society. You may know this as the kindness movement. There is an increasing number of merchandise (mainly apparel) which proclaims phrases like ‘choose kindness today’ or ‘in a world where you can be anything, be kind.’ These are great sentiments meant to address the ever growing problem of the disrespect human persons fostered greatly by a pugnacious online world that spills over into the physical world. Yet, these phrases are often accompanied by ideologies that can often be less than Christian. As it is with the case of words like ‘power’ and ‘love’, we as a society need to recapture the Christian definition of ‘kindness’ so that we can truly form a more nurturing society.
The first mistake we make when we plaster ‘be kind’ across the front of our shirts is that we believe that we can will ourselves to true kindness. Kindness is a disposition that comes from within, not individual actions. Jesus tells us that it is not what goes in the mouth, but what comes out that defiles us. This means that our words and actions are evidence of the disposition of the soul. If we are to be truly kind, our soul needs to be oriented to doing good. If our soul is oriented towards self gain or using other persons as objects, we will not be kind, no matter how much we fake it. We may be polite, but not kind.
This means that kindness in the face of opposition can be especially tough if we attempt to will ourselves to be kind to them without the necessary substance within. We should in all circumstances attempt to be kind, but without the support of an interior life focused on the greater good rather than self gain, our words and actions are ultimately a facade. Kindness that is just done to avoid confrontation or out of duty without roots can turn into an exhausting game that no one can keep up continuously. As a result, we will eventually either desire an eye for an eye type of justice towards the opposition, or we devolve into a superiority complex over them. Neither of these are true Christian attitudes that we are called to live out.
A final misstep of the worldly notion of kindness, is that we think that kindness means ‘keeping the peace,’ or that all feelings should not be contradicted. While a person’s feelings are very important and should never be fully separated from any discussion of conflict, if there is too much of an emphasis on feelings, Truth can be lost. As a result, kindness will be lost because true kindness is aligned with the common good for a person, and we only know the common good through Truth. Consequently, the Christian notion of kindness may at times result in some distress, but it is ultimately oriented to bring the person to something better for themselves. To avoid confrontation because we are scared Truth will cause an unfavorable reaction to our reputation with the person or others is selfish and not truly kind. WARNING: Speaking Truth to someone is not an excuse to be rude. Directness in love is certainly encouraged, but coming from a place of condescension and lack of concern for hearing the other’s position is certainly not the Christian way. Often before speaking Truth into someone’s life, we must enter into a true loving/caring relationship with them so that we are not coming from an elevated place, but a place that has true care for their soul.
So how do we become truly kind? The Holy Spirit. If we act with the gifts that the Holy Spirit gives to us (Wisdom, Knowledge, Counsel, Piety, Understanding, Fear of the Lord, and Fortitude), then the fruits of the Spirit (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control) will be borne in our life. This is the only way that we can be truly kind. Because of our attachment to sins after the first sin of Adam and Eve, we cannot truly desire God’s good for all people without His Holy Spirit. And receiving the Holy Spirit is not a one-time thing. Rather, it is choosing a lifestyle shaped by the Holy Spirit in which love and kindness permeate the soul and spill out into our disposition and actions, even in the face of opposition. When we depend on ourselves to be kind, we fail because it is not from us but the Holy Spirit from whence true kindness comes from. We need to choose the Holy Spirit daily, if we are to ‘choose kindness today.’ We do not choose kindness for its own sake. Rather, we choose holiness in hopes that one day we can be truly kind.
