One evening, I was grilling burgers for my family. It was an enjoyable day to grill on the deck, and I was joined by my two-year-old daughter who played nearby while I tended the meat. She likes being outside, and she likes being near me. Once the burgers were ready, the buns were toasted, and the cheese melted, I began cleaning up to bring everything inside. Shoving all the trash in the empty buns bag, I invited my daughter to help me by handing her the bag while I made sure the food made its way inside. She was delighted to do so, grabbed the bag, and started to head inside with the end goal being the kitchen trash.
However, my daughter made a crucial mistake. She had grabbed the bag by the bottom of the bag. So by the time she got from the grill to the door, all of the contents of the trash bag had spilled on the deck, leaving a trail of trash. She did not realize what was happening. So hands full of food and smiling, I made the effort to bend down and pick up all the trash along the way. By the time we got inside to the kitchen, my daughter put the now empty bag in the trash and celebrated by clapping her hands. She was proud of herself, and I was proud of her.
This interaction between me and my daughter struck me as an analogy of the spiritual life. Just like a toddler grows into a child who grows into a teen who grows into an adult, so too do we spiritually mature and develop. In the analogy, I am God who is constantly at work providing (grilling dinner). And when we are spiritually young in our relationship with God, we and He are content with just being near one another. We focus on our own plans, but do them in a moral way. He continues His work of providing for all people and us. But at some point, God invites us into His work (lets us throw away the trash), which is more fulfilling than our plans. We are eager to help, but often do not know how to do it well (drop all the trash). But we still complete part of the task, and we are proud of ourselves.
It is at this point that we may think since we ‘messed up’ (because we didn’t get all the trash to the trash can) that God is not proud of us, or that He is displeased with our efforts. But that is not how God sees us. He lovingly evaluates our state in the spiritual life and reacts accordingly. Because my daughter is two, I was more than happy to pick up after her. In my eyes, she did not fail. Rather, she succeeded in accepting the invitation to help me out and completed the main part of the task: Get the bag into the trash. Because she did that, she was proud and I was proud of her. For many spiritual perfectionists, we may beat ourselves up over the ‘spilled trash’, but God knows our capabilities and does not fault us for our failures as spiritual toddlers.
But there are also times when God will help us to grow. Had my daughter been five years old and the same situation had occurred, I would have informed my daughter that she was dropping things and encouraged or even admonished her to be more careful. I still would have been happy with her willingness to help, but more would have been expected of her so that she could grow into a responsible child. God does the same for us. He sees us where we are. He celebrates with us when it is necessary, but also calls us on to greatness. We may be proud in our ignorance, but God makes it good by showing us our failure so we can be better. Even though it may not feel good at the moment, God’s admonition is a blessing.
In all ways, God is a loving Father. He does what’s best for us in each moment. He evaluates where we are, is proud of us, and pushes us to grow. Sources of God’s consolations and admonishment can be found in many places: The scriptures, a spiritual director, a faithful family member, or a church community. We have to train ourselves to hear the voice of God. Because He is calling us out of our play to participate in His work with Him. And while our play may be fun, there is nothing more fulfilling than entering into life with our Father, because that is a life lived well.
