“Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children.” This is one of the phrases I remember a family friend telling my mother after my oldest sibling died. Additionally, I remember my mother commenting to me in private that those remarks are not something to say directly to a parent experiencing a loss. In other words, there was no comfort received at that moment. I do not know if my mother remembers the conversation or dwelt on these words in the past eight years since my brother died in 2016. Yet here I am hung up on the “supposed to” part. What did this friend know about what is or isn’t supposed to be? Do supposed-to scenarios always conclude with happy outcomes? Who decides what is supposed to happen? Eight years later similar words were said to me.
“Babies are not supposed to die.” Does the doctor have a manual regarding life on earth ending at 98-years-old and anything less is an error? Is there some sort of guarantee that life is supposed to be without grief and difficulties? Rather than asking God, “Why me,” I have found myself thinking, “Why not me?” The truth is that babies, children, young adults – all of us die. Death is supposed to happen. Why then would my family be spared? Sure, it was unexpected and does not follow what we perceive as normal. Certainly, I wish I had brought my baby home, but I must believe that this was supposed to happen. This is all part of a greater plan beyond me. I find comfort in trusting that my baby’s death was supposed to happen according to God’s plan. Difficult moments force us to make difficult choices. My prayer for you is that you choose to cling to your faith and trust in His plan. He is in control and is by our side every step of this journey.
