I’ve come a long way since THIS.
My second child, my oldest daughter, started Kindergarten last week. I remember so vividly being anxious about my oldest child starting kindergarten, and the entire summer leading up to the first day of school. Of course, I’m a seasoned school parent now, but this summer, I found myself being a little worried that I wasn’t more worried about my soon-to-be Kindergartener daughter.
My daughter has been reading for easily a year and a half, if not longer. She’s little miss independent (who still gets a little shy). She’s brave without thinking twice (although the diving board does cause her to say out loud “I can do this”). She’s sweet (and equal parts sassy). And man, was she ready for Kindergarten. From the day of her Pre-K graduation, she had been looking forward to her first day of Kindergarten. This summer she’d often say things like “I just can’t wait until my first day of school!”
All of that to say, everyone was ready for her to go to Kindergarten. We had a summer filled with joy, but also sibling fights and annoyances. Even though they are all very good kids, and I love them very much, it was time for school to start – let’s just leave it at that.
So while my daughter was ready, and I was ready for her, I was still wondering why I wasn’t more nervous for her. Did it mean that I was simply a kindergarten veteran, or did it mean that I don’t worry about her as much since she’s my middle child? Did I just want her out of my hair, or did I know without a doubt she was set up to succeed? I kept battling with myself every time I thought of the impending school year and the first day of school drop-off that had absolutely wrecked me with my oldest.
Per usual, the first day of school rapidly approached. The backpacks were loaded, the forms were filled out, and we were all ready. The night before the first day, my husband and son had baseball practice. As I packed the lunchboxes and listened to my daughter go through everything she was excited about, she mentioned being excited to wear her new uniform. So I decided that we should go “pick out what she is going to wear” for the next day (which really just meant figuring out if she wanted to wear the blue or white polo). As I laid out her choice, she started squealing with absolute delight… and I started crying.
It hit me all at once. For me, it’s always something about knowing they’ll be at school for many, many more years – that they will be there 5 days a week for the majority of the time they are awake. It’s the worry that they’ll shift who they are because of who they are around. It’s the worry for their safety and for their feelings that I pray never get hurt. Yes those things were running through my head all summer, but it took her squealing for it to hit me. She was so ready. She suddenly felt so old and grown up to me, and in that moment, I was so proud of who she had come to be in the time before Kindergarten. Don’t get me wrong, I know she makes the gray hair I already have grow in faster – and she’s more like me than unlike me so I better just buckle up. But laying out her uniform brought about such joy (in the form of happy tears) to me – on her behalf.
The first day of school drop off with my daughter was easy. With my oldest, I didn’t make it back to my car before I started crying. This time, I made it a whole 2 miles away before the tears started to fall – on my behalf.
If you are a first time Kindergarten mom, just know that it does get easier. If you’re like me, a veteran Kindergarten mom, I hope you feel similar to me. And if you’re a mom who hasn’t sent a kid to Kindergarten in many, many years… well, just please don’t tell me how fast the time goes.
