LOVING SIMPLY AND SIMPLY LOVING

Many of us have people in our lives who provoke us to uncharitable behavior. Whether our parents or in-laws, coworkers or neighbors, even spouses or children, we may habitually sin in particular settings or around certain people, especially those we find irritating or challenging. St. Thérèse of Lisieux was not immune to these frustrations. Humble and kind, she was in many ways unremarkable and led a very simple religious life; however, her words and deeds, though seemingly small, have resonated throughout the decades that have followed.

In her autobiography A Story of a Soul  (If you’ve never read it, I highly recommend it!), she cites instances of annoyance at other sisters in the convent and how she bore her irritation—and even tried to love her fellow sisters’ behavior—out of love of Jesus. She writes of a sister who made an annoying sound during prayer and another sister who kept throwing dirty laundry water on her by accident; in both instances, St. Thérèse chose to accept, even embrace, these small sufferings in union with Jesus’ in the hopes of showing Him in a thousand small ways how much she loves Him.

In theory, bearing minor annoyances should be easy, but I know how often I fail to find and accept opportunities to love the people I find hardest to love. Recently, Jesus has been encouraging me to take each frustration one at a time, to try to bear them with as much love as I can muster—and maybe even pray for more opportunities to love through these annoyances so I can grow in virtue and in love of Him.

In reflecting on how I can learn to love one step at a time, I compiled a list of ways we can, like St. Thérèse, choose to love (difficult) people in the smallest ways. As a caveat, remember that Jesus does not want us to ignore sin or to tolerate someone disrespecting our dignity as a child of God; however, St. Thérèse’s example reminds us that we can probably do better at embracing minor inconveniences with humility, obedience, and love of neighbor.

1. Listen to your child’s long-winded story without hurrying him along or attending to another task.
2. When your spouse does a task that doesn’t meet your expectations, refrain from fixing it or asking him/her to.
3. Allow your mother-in-law to occasionally spoil your kids in a way that you normally wouldn’t.
4. Sit near the parishioner(s) in church whose “excitement” or “singing” can be challenging for you.
5. Listen without complaining to others’ choice of music.
6. Avoid zoning out during a homily that isn’t inspiring you.
7. Without debating them, allow your parents to share political opinions that you might disagree with.
8. Ask a sibling to talk to you more about a hobby or activity that you don’t find particularly interesting.
9. Let your child choose which game you will play, and don’t try to convince them not to pick Candyland.
10. Don’t move the Christmas ornaments when your kids or spouse doesn’t put them in the “right” spot.
11. Watch attentively when your kids ask you to “Look, Mom!” 
12. Let your husband tell you all about his Fantasy Football team.
13. Give your full attention during the boring or “useless” work meetings.
14. Let others take the lead on planning an outing, even if the timing or activities aren’t the ones you would choose.
15. Don’t point out when your spouse brings back the wrong item from the store.
16. Smile (genuinely!) at the person who cuts you off in traffic.
17. Refrain from interrupting or giving unsolicited advice.
18. Barring allergies or health concerns, try any food offered to you.
19. Let your kid choose the book at bedtime. Bonus points if it’s one of those children’s books that has paragraphs on each page.
20. Feed the baby or bathe the kids without looking at your phone.
21. Let your spouse take up more than half of the bed.
22. Listen while someone gives you directions to a familiar place (or one that you will just use Google Maps for) or explains something you already know.

There are countless opportunities in a day to remain silent, tolerate perceived slights, or defer to others—more than I could list here. My challenge to myself in the coming weeks and months is to embrace these moments, allowing myself to suffer and even try to love my suffering, in order to love Jesus and my neighbor better. By embracing the frustrations in particular from the people I struggle with, I hope my heart may soften toward them and I may learn to instinctively see Jesus in them. But if nothing else, like St. Thérèse, I pray I can be a catalyst for more love in the world.