The Catechism instructs us about three distinct, yet related expressions of prayer in the Christian tradition: vocal prayer, meditative prayer, and contemplative prayer.1 To unpack each of these terms, I like to draw on an analogy by the Jesuit priest and author, Fr. Mark Thibodeaux, SJ. In Chapter 2 of his wonderful book, Armchair Mystic (a remarkable crash course on deepening one’s prayer life), Thibodeaux describes four stages of prayer that are analogous to the development of communication in any good relationship.
Stage 1: Talking at God
When we learn to speak as children, our parents not only give us the words to say, but also prompt us when and how to say them. “Say thank you, Benjamin.” “Analisa, what do you say to your brother?” We may not always understand or agree with the need to say these things, but at some level we experience their effect: these words help our relationships with others to grow or to heal. They help spur on friendships. Once we mature, we continue to use these phrases, but now they become our own. Phrases like “please” and “thank you” are perfect vehicles to express our genuine desire to make another person feel respected and appreciated.
The same is true early on in our prayer lives. Our first grasp of prayer often comes from being taught to memorize some of the great prayers of the Church and to say them at certain times. Early in our spiritual development, this can feel like simply “talking at God” with scripted words and formulas others are feeding us. But just as learning to say “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry” in other relationships matters, this “talking at God” has great value too. It lays the foundation for learning the language of prayer and gets us moving in our communication with our Creator. As we grow spiritually, we begin to pray the Our Father, for example, with increasing sincerity; we desire to mean what we say and to live accordingly. These prayers, which we received from others, form us more deeply in the desires and language of the saints, and this is the first meaning of the term “vocal prayer.”
Stage 2: Talking to God
As children, we soon realize we have much more to say to people than just the phrases handed down to us by our parents and teachers. Using our own words and phrases allows us to express ourselves more fully and freely. We still make good use of the helpful phrases we were told to say, but we mix those in with whatever is on our minds. We talk about what excites us, vent about what bothers us, and share our plans and hopes for the future.
So too, with God. Without ever leaving behind the prayers we learned from the great Tradition, we desire to speak freely to God of whatever is on our minds and hearts. This is a sign of our growing comfort and familiarity with God, just as in any genuine friendship. Speaking to God in our own words is another important aspect of vocal prayer.
Stage 3: Listening to God
As important as it is to speak genuinely and often in a friendship, relationships are two-way streets. They require a lot of listening from both parties. Children love to hear the stories that their parents tell or read to them. As we get older, friendships grow deeper as they express such sentiments as “I’m here to listen” and “Tell me more about that.”
In the same way, our friendship with God must become a two-way communication. If all we ever do in prayer is talk, we miss out on some of the greatest riches of this friendship. The God of the Universe, who is all-knowing and all-powerful, actually wants to speak to us, to show us wisdom and give us concrete guidance! Do we believe that? Sure, it is a bit more difficult to learn to hear the voice of God than to talk to Him, but it surely is worth the effort! This is where prayer starts to become a transformative experience for maturing disciples. We can learn to listen to God in many ways—in silence, in prayerful reading of Scripture, in other people, in creation, in conscience, and in the details of our daily life. Here we are squarely in the tradition of what the Church calls “meditative prayer,” and it is a great adventure.
Stage 4: Being with God
In any close friendship, sometimes words simply cannot do justice to the situation at hand. A moment of vulnerable sharing may demand nothing more appropriate than a quiet embrace. An awe-inspiring sunrise, observed by a few friends together, is best beheld in utter silence. Too many words would only detract from the moment. The tender minutes at the side of a loved one about to breathe their last breath call out for reverential stillness and a gentle touch. Yes, when it comes to our deepest relationships and most meaningful experiences in life, it is most certainly not always best to speak.
How could it be any different with God, the author of all friendship and love? As we grow in familiarity with God in friendship, we sense more His grandeur, the mystery and graciousness of His presence and ways, the paradox of words, and the gentle invitation to “be still, and know that I am God” (Ps 46:10). Silence and stillness will at times mark the prayer of true friends of God. This is the gateway to what the Church describes as “contemplative prayer.” In contemplative prayer, we are not seeking to have an active mind, learning and reflecting on the truth (as in meditative prayer). Rather, we seek only to behold and be held by God in a loving, wordless embrace. We rest in God’s presence, trusting that God is working deep in the soul in ways beyond what words and feelings can capture, understand, or even notice.
All Are Needed
All these stages and expressions of prayer remain important throughout our lives. We never leave one behind as we mature to the next. Rather, we’re invited to go deeper in vocal prayer, meditative prayer, and contemplative prayer, engaging each in the ways and times that most help us to know, love, and communicate with God. So it is with every good and growing relationship, because prayer, as St. Teresa of Ávila described, “is nothing else than a close sharing between friends.”2
So, how is your prayer life these days? Which stage or expression of prayer do you feel called to add a little more of to your time with God? Take some time this week to deepen your communication with the Lord.
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1 See Catechism of the Catholic Church, sections 2700-2724.
2 St. Teresa of Avila, The Book of Her Life, ch. 8.4 in The Collected Works of St. Teresa of Avila, vol. 1, trans. Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. and Otilio Rodriguez, O.C.D. (Washington, D.C.: ICS Publications, 1987).
