I was still in workout clothes. My hair in a messy bun. I should change. I should look more presentable, more reverent. But by then, adoration will be over. Do I use it as yet another excuse why I can’t go? I have work to do and chores to do and it’s my first night alone without the kids in a long time. Maybe I’ll skip this week and just enjoy some unstructured alone time. And I’m just so tired.
No. Get behind me Satan!
As a young adult, Adoration was my favorite, particularly benediction. I hadn’t even known what it was prior to college (thanks Fr. Quinn!). But when I discovered it, late night adoration hours in the perpetual adoration chapel through my college years were life giving. My then boyfriend and future husband would join me. It was just the two of us, an older couple and JESUS. We ended up inviting that couple to our wedding and sharing life’s many joys via social media with them even after moving away.
We brought our newborn son to late night adoration with us many times…he ate right before and then we headed to the chapel. It wasn’t a problem because he’d wake up again in 3 hours to eat anyway. But soon he was sleeping through the night, and that hour had to be given up to someone who could reliably be with Jesus. With the onslaught of motherhood and house building and homemaking and working full time…adoration went by the wayside.
But I wanted to go today. Earlier in the day I decided to go at 3pm – the hour of Divine Mercy. But work was crazy and particularly draining today, so I’ll go at 5pm before dinner. Well, work was STILL crazy, and I really should get the kids’ bedding in the wash and pick up so I can run the robot vacuum if I’m going to be gone. You know what? I’ll be there by 6pm. But man, it’s so nice out. I never enjoy just sitting outside any more; maybe I’ll just find a place to sit and take it in. See God in His creation, right?
I am good at excuses.
I somehow managed to delay and drag my feet until 6:55, but that’s ok, I’ll get to enjoy Benediction. I forced (yes forced even though I should go with joy) myself to the car and to the church in my workout clothes that I had worn all day (although never to the gym) and my messy bun. All the while praying:
Lord, take me as I am. This is all I got today. I’ve got nothing but I know I need you.
I made it. I sat in the front. I cried and nodded off and did all the things you do when you feel safe and loved, just the way you are. (And all in the span of 30 minutes mind you).
I should have dressed better. I mean, it is JESUS I’m going to see for Pete’s sake. But if the choice was between using the excuse of my dress to stay away, or going to see Jesus, I’m glad I chose Jesus. It had been too long, my friend.