When I celebrated my most recent birthday, let’s just say that my family was much more excited than I was. (Let’s be real: They were happy to have an excuse to eat cake.) My husband carved out a few hours for me to enjoy breakfast in bed and read, but I spent a good chunk of my freedom feeling guilty for the fact he took time off or that I wasn’t helping with the kids. My sister-in-law came over to babysit while my husband took me to a late dinner, but I wanted to be sure we went somewhere simple where we wouldn’t spend too much money. Even the present to which I begrudgingly acquiesced was the cheapest backpack I could find to fit my needs.
I say these things not to make myself seem humble but to relate to a sentiment for many moms. When it comes to celebrating those we love, we are all too quick to make it special. The talented gift givers select the perfect present; the party planners pull together something beautiful and memorable. Some of us go all-in on the birthday person’s dessert of choice; others are all about pulling out fun surprises. But on our day? Many of us don’t ask for or want much attention; to do so can seem high maintenance or selfish. Ultimately, while we are willing to make huge sacrifices for others, we struggle to accept that love, attention, and sacrifice for ourselves.
But if we want to validate that bit of us that does secretly love our birthdays, perhaps we should look no further than the Blessed Mother and the Church’s celebration of her birthday. On September 8, the Church celebrated (though it was overshadowed liturgically by the 23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time) the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Only three birthdays fall on the liturgical calendar: Mary’s (September 8), John the Baptist’s (June 24), and Jesus’ (December 25). Because most saints are celebrated on the day they died, these three important figures’ birthdays stand out. We celebrate so many other Marian feast days, and John the Baptist also gets a feast day to commemorate his death, so the fact that their birthdays are celebrated at all is a testament to the importance—and even necessity—of celebrating a person’s birth.
After all, Mary’s birthday is the one Marian feast day in which we celebrate who Mary is, not something she did (e.g., the Visitation) or that God did through her (e.g., the Immaculate Conception). On this day, we are able to thank God simply for creating her; for her motherhood for both Jesus and us; and that her life, love, and example are a gift to us. We can think of all of her beautiful qualities that lead us to her Son and inspire us to love Him more: her unwavering faith, her gentleness, her constant love even in the midst of suffering. On this feast day, we get to celebrate her and thank God for the blessing of her life.
Similarly, celebrating our own birthdays isn’t inherently an attention-seeking behavior. We did not choose to exist or what day we would be born, which would dictate a yearly remembrance in our honor. Instead, our birthdays are moments for others to remember that our lives are beautiful, important, and worthwhile; we mean something to other people, whether as wives, moms, daughters, or friends. Even if there were no one in our lives who valued us, we are God’s creation, reflections of love between two people, vessels for bringing Christ’s love to others.
When my husband’s or kids’ or parents’ or friends’ birthdays roll around, the day often prompts me to reflect on how much of a gift that person has been to my life. I think about how blessed I am to have had another year with them. I find myself celebrating them because I am grateful that God blessed the world with their lives and because they deserve to know their lives are gifts to me. We can give ourselves that same grace; a refusal to accept others’ love and gratitude for us can mean that we are not allowing ourselves to view our lives as precious, in both our loved ones’ eyes and in the eyes of God.
So the next time you have a birthday coming around, I give you full permission to celebrate it. Because if Our Lady, in all of her humility, is not above allowing the entire communion of saints to celebrate her birthday, we can enjoy our own special day guilt-free. Enjoy your breakfast in bed (and try not to think about how many sticky fingers touched those strawberries). Allow the phone calls and texts to roll in without trying to downplay the significance of the day. Let those around you love you without feeling guilty or like you owe them. Much like we love to celebrate our friends and family (and our Heavenly Mother!), they love to celebrate us, too.
