I remember feeling lost at the start of Lent last year. How could I give up something when I was feeling as if I lost my whole world? How could I serve others when every day I struggled to get out of bed and take care of myself? And how could I pray and connect with the Lord if it hurt to talk with Him regarding anything meaningful in my life at that moment?
Lent had always been a time for me to recommit and reconnect to my faith. I see the value in analyzing what is distracting me from God and creating healthier habits to bring myself closer to Him during Lent. It is to prepare for a greater, glorious Resurrection Sunday experience. Yet, I was at a time in my life when I could not see past the next day. It was daunting to think about celebrating anything. But I set out to find a way to do this right. This was a Lent that would be unlike a season I had before. I was battling postpartum hormones, depression, and grief. I felt that the timing was not a coincidence.
Embracing suffering, seeking spiritual growth, and recognizing that the Lord is with me every step of my journey was the focus of my Lenten season. And, unlike all other past Lenten seasons of mine, these themes continue to be my focus. I would not have thought a year later I would be able to feel gratitude the way I do now. I did not see myself having a renewed faith and a trusting relationship with the Lord. As I had initially thought, Lent, mixed with the loss I experienced, was unlike anything I had gone through before. Reconnecting to my faith reached a new level and has made a tragic story into a hopeful mentality.
Though my suffering may be one that is life-long, I have a perspective and understanding that this heartache and complicated life is saving me. The Lord is the only way I want to and can make it through this world with the hope of one day entering Heaven. We as humans do not pursue suffering. Jesus met suffering and did not hide from it because He knew it would lead to something greater.
As I enter this next season, I will embrace my change of heart. I hope to renew other’s commitment and connection to the faith. I feel God has prepared me to let others into my Lenten journey and to serve those that were once as lost as me.
