Every loving relationship has two parts, giving love and receiving love. A person must participate in both aspects for a healthy, loving relationship to exist. This means that in order to be a lover, we have to understand the other person enough to know how to express love to them. And we must also be willing to receive the love that they wish to communicate to us. This can be a delicate process, and popular psychology has tried to aid humanity by identifying love languages.
Yet, within the giving and receiving of love, each person has to delve a bit further than just serving surface level desires. We have to identify the difference between our needs and wants, and we have to be aware of our partner’s needs and wants. In knowing this, we then have to make judgment calls on when it is appropriate to give someone a need or a want. True love shows itself whenever one side sacrifices themself to supply this need or want at the appropriate time. Being in love occurs when both sides are actively engaged in this process.
This is where love becomes both a joy and a cross. There is nothing in this material world more beautiful and exciting than another human being (other than the Creator, Himself). Taking the time to listen to, understand, and ultimately enjoy another person cannot be replicated or replaced by any type of media or leisure activity. It has its own mysterious value, and we inherently know this because we desire to be around other people. Families, friends, and communities are a testament to the mysterious attractive value of each individual person.
But there is also nothing more infuriating in this world than another human being. Because of our sinful nature, insecurities, and selfishness, getting to know someone and ultimately love them can be a struggle or even a martyrdom. Because of this, knowing how to love someone can often become confusing and even feel impossible.
This is the purpose of Christianity. Jesus became one of us to show us how to love. He lived His life by allowing others to love Him (most concretely through Joseph and Mary), and He also lived His life in service of others (most concretely found in His teaching and healing ministry) In His teaching, Jesus taught us Truth so that we could be able to decipher between needs and wants.
But because of our fallen nature, Jesus knew that we would not be able to follow His direction, or mimic His example completely on our own. He has a oneness with God because He is God. When the Son became man, He was sinless and espoused a perfect love for the Father. His love that He showed on earth came from the Father. We did not have this oneness so we did not have this love. We were broken because of the concupiscence that we inherited from our first sinful parents. So Jesus not only performs the greatest act of love by giving Himself completely for the expiation of our sins (our greatest need) without receiving anything in return, but He also gives us the ability to enter into His Body and receive His life through the Church and her sacraments. Those who accept this gift are offered the same oneness that Jesus has with the Father as His beloved sons and daughters.
This nuptial relationship between Jesus and His followers allows us as a broken people to receive His love and return that love in the way that He desires. This means that it is essential to us to run to Jesus and receive His healing and love. Jesus will never force His love upon us, for then it would not be love. We must allow Him to see us, all of us, and let Him give us what we need and also what we want. And as a good lover, He will know the appropriate time to give us our needs and wants. Then after being loved by Jesus, we show that we love Him by loving who He loves, which is the Father and all of His creation.
So if we want to be better lovers, we must run to Jesus. We must seek Him in the Church, His Word, and the sacraments. Once we experience His love there, we will then meet Him in the poor and those in need because those are with whom Jesus identifies. In serving them, we will be able to provide for Jesus’ needs and wants. In this way, God allows us to participate in both the giving and receiving aspects of a loving relationship with Him. For He takes our burdens and gives us rest so that we have the strength to serve the least of His brothers and sisters, and thus serve Him.
